It's A Beautiful Sunday.....

I think I'll head outside for awhile and smile!!! (borrowed part of the lyrics from a song somewhere!!) No, but really, it is a BEAUTIFUL Sunday! It has been so rainy and "cool" that I was beginning to wonder if the weather was confused and thinking that instead of April showers bringing May flowers it would be something like May floods bring out June bugs!

It is hard to believe that we are on the downward turn of May which leads me closer to my beautiful Bri being a S-E-N-I-O-R! No, No, No, No, No!!!!!!!! Not that I want to hold her back or anything, I just want to slow things down a bit! I didn't realize that time was passing by so quickly and that my opportunity to treasure every moment with her still "under" my wing would soon be coming to an end. Yes, I know, she will always and forever be "mine" but she won't always "need" me as she has needed me before. I am sure that I will get to a place of peace and our relationship will always remain strong. I am thankful for her. She has been a true joy and blessing to me. I am thankful that out of all of the "daughters" in the world, God gave me you, my sweet Angel Face!

It's been an amazing week. It has been one that brings true appreciation for what you have, for your health and for your loved ones. One of my cousins passed away this past week and while he was much older than myself, it still saddens my heart. Gone too young. Things I am sure that he still wanted to do with his life.

It has been a week of showing me that people aren't what they pretend to be. I was blind sided again this week and so the wound is gapping open again. It seems as though it is beginning to heal and then another blowing of the wind, another turning of the tide and it is opened again, seeping pain, frustration and yes, anger. I am angry that this "garbage", this "whirlwind" has been able to bring about the devastation and destruction of a family that had previously been so close, so loving, so forgiving, obviously an illusion if only a small wind can rip it apart as though ripping through a delicate flower, a blosoming butterfly. Will it ever be the same? Will it ever be ok? No. It will never be the same. At some time in our lives we may be able to figure out a "new" normal but never the same. I have heard many times that you can't turn back the hands in time, a word spoken cannot return to the mouth as unspoken and now I fully understand what it means.

We can try. That's all we can do. Actually, I can try. I am only responsible for myself and cannot no matter how much I would like to try, I cannot take on the responsibility of someone elses actions, thoughts & desires. So, I will try. I will try to be the best I can be. I will try to forgive and forgive again. I will try to remember that revenge is not mine for the taking and I must fully rely on God to take care of it all.

Until tomorrow,
Beth

I forgot to add....

I forgot to tell you about one of the big "firsts" that we recently had! Bri had her first prom! She looked absolutely gorgeous! Below are some pictures for you to see! She is the furtherest on the right. Isn't she absolutely beautiful??!!

One More Thing I Forgot!

I completely forgot that I wanted to share a video link with you all that a friend of mine shared with me today. It is a worship skit that a church did to Casting Crowns, I am Yours. It is absolutely beautiful and will hopefully bless you as it has blessed me.

The link is

http://www.mychurch.org/blog/30635/coolest-video-ever

Many blessings to all!

Until tomorrow,
Beth

More As Promised!

Hello again! I kept my word! I have missed having this place to come and chronicle my thoughts, feelings, experiences, and just everyday life! I'm not sure where I was heading with this that scared me so badly that I totally backed away from it. Maybe I was getting to know myself too closely and it scared me? I do that from time to time. I am guilty of self-sabotage! I get really excited about something and good things seem to start happening and then out of nowhere, BAM, I knock my own feet right out from underneath me and take myself out of the game! Well, I am fighting back this time and I am saying "put me in Coach (God), I am ready to play today"! It has taken a lot for me to finally realize what I do to myself. It has taken even more time for me to actually admit it and accept it! But, I do and I own it. Good, bad or ugly, it is mine and mine alone and only me and me alone can do anything about it! (I mean this from a "human" stand point but from a spiritual stand point I know that God will more than likely be carrying me most of the way!) And I profess today that I WANT TO CHANGE! From the inside out..... So, I am asking you to remind me from time to time, even if I don't want to hear it, remind me that I am worth it, that I can do this not only for myself but for those who love me!

I think I have mentioned before that I have been reading "I dare you" by Joyce Meyer. I can't believe how long it has taken me to read it but well, I am sure that is another self sabotage! Anyhow, I have tried to absorb every word, every suggestion because amazingly enough this book is like a guidebook to changing your life! I started out highlighting and then switched to underlining because my highlighter ran out but I find myself highlighting almost every word! It all applies to me! When I think of Joyce as the woman I have seen stand before crowds of thousands and then I think of the woman who wrote this book, it is hard to equate the two as one. Boy, she sure has come a long way! Her life hasn't always been like it is now and even now her life isn't always the way it would appear. I realize that this is because she is human and human's can never be perfect! It was great to realize though that she is just like me. She still makes mistakes but the only difference is that she has a "workable plan" in place to pick herself up and dust herself off and keep going whereas I, myself in the past have just "given up" on myself and "given in" to my circumstances!

So, what does this show me? I need a plan. I need an "escape route" when the tour guide (me!) of my life gets lost and can't find her way! A road map so to speak! When I was younger I remember we sang a song in church that went like this "I am using my Bible for a road map". My Bible is a great road map but sometimes I have difficulty reading the "map" and I need someone to help me decipher the twists and turns. I believe that God uses others to help us navigate which is why we have pastors, teachers, worship leaders, friends and on and on the list goes. I love reading ways others have figured out how to build their bridges through the journey of life and how they have saught shelter when the storm felt like it was too great to push through. It gives me ideas to pick and choose that may help me through my walk with God!

One of the topics that I have been reading lately is about creating an atmosphere where God can work in my life, the power that just having hope can bring, and the importance of CHOOSING our thoughts and CHOOSING to think better thoughts. I had never thought about it that way. I never thought that it is kind of like dieting. When you're used to just eating whatever you want and you decide for whatever reason that you need to change your diet, well the first little bit can be quite difficult and you just take one day at a time. Changing your life is pretty much the same. I think at times it can even be just about getting through one minute at a time but the most important thing is that when you "fail" you must not give up but pick yourself up and start over from right where you are and keep moving forward, never look back. I mean, sure we all look back in our lives at times because that is part of our "history", our lives but it is the reason we are looking back that matters. Are we looking back in hopes of changing what we did wrong or are we looking back as a moment of reflection, learning from a mistake or situation but realizing that it is what it is and the only change that we can make is the change of here and now.

So, today I make the choice to do my best at creating an atmosphere that God can work in my life, I choose to live with a positive attitude TODAY and not worry about TOMORROW until tomorrow is here and then tomorrow I will once again choose to take it one day at a time again and again. Like Joyce Meyer says, "God can make miracles out of messes and mistakes". Heavenly Father, I am trusting that you will take the messes that I have made out of my life, trying to do things on my own, and that You will begin to work the miracles that You have in store for me! I ask you to help me have an open heart and a willing spirit to get out of the way and let go and let You take control!

I hope you all have a wonderful & blessed Friday! I will have more for tomorrow but for now, well, life is calling!

Until then,
Beth

I'm Back!

Good morning! First off I would like to apologize to you and to myself for neglecting to keep my commitment to blog on a daily basis. I did really well there for a while and then I let life get in the way and for that I am truly sorry! There has to be a way for me to do both and I promise I will work at figuring that out! I hope all is well with you!

I promise that I will post a more detailed update in a little while. I have a few phone calls to catch up on and I need my undivided attention to update! Looking forward to updating you soon!

Until then,
Beth