More As Promised!

Hello again! I kept my word! I have missed having this place to come and chronicle my thoughts, feelings, experiences, and just everyday life! I'm not sure where I was heading with this that scared me so badly that I totally backed away from it. Maybe I was getting to know myself too closely and it scared me? I do that from time to time. I am guilty of self-sabotage! I get really excited about something and good things seem to start happening and then out of nowhere, BAM, I knock my own feet right out from underneath me and take myself out of the game! Well, I am fighting back this time and I am saying "put me in Coach (God), I am ready to play today"! It has taken a lot for me to finally realize what I do to myself. It has taken even more time for me to actually admit it and accept it! But, I do and I own it. Good, bad or ugly, it is mine and mine alone and only me and me alone can do anything about it! (I mean this from a "human" stand point but from a spiritual stand point I know that God will more than likely be carrying me most of the way!) And I profess today that I WANT TO CHANGE! From the inside out..... So, I am asking you to remind me from time to time, even if I don't want to hear it, remind me that I am worth it, that I can do this not only for myself but for those who love me!

I think I have mentioned before that I have been reading "I dare you" by Joyce Meyer. I can't believe how long it has taken me to read it but well, I am sure that is another self sabotage! Anyhow, I have tried to absorb every word, every suggestion because amazingly enough this book is like a guidebook to changing your life! I started out highlighting and then switched to underlining because my highlighter ran out but I find myself highlighting almost every word! It all applies to me! When I think of Joyce as the woman I have seen stand before crowds of thousands and then I think of the woman who wrote this book, it is hard to equate the two as one. Boy, she sure has come a long way! Her life hasn't always been like it is now and even now her life isn't always the way it would appear. I realize that this is because she is human and human's can never be perfect! It was great to realize though that she is just like me. She still makes mistakes but the only difference is that she has a "workable plan" in place to pick herself up and dust herself off and keep going whereas I, myself in the past have just "given up" on myself and "given in" to my circumstances!

So, what does this show me? I need a plan. I need an "escape route" when the tour guide (me!) of my life gets lost and can't find her way! A road map so to speak! When I was younger I remember we sang a song in church that went like this "I am using my Bible for a road map". My Bible is a great road map but sometimes I have difficulty reading the "map" and I need someone to help me decipher the twists and turns. I believe that God uses others to help us navigate which is why we have pastors, teachers, worship leaders, friends and on and on the list goes. I love reading ways others have figured out how to build their bridges through the journey of life and how they have saught shelter when the storm felt like it was too great to push through. It gives me ideas to pick and choose that may help me through my walk with God!

One of the topics that I have been reading lately is about creating an atmosphere where God can work in my life, the power that just having hope can bring, and the importance of CHOOSING our thoughts and CHOOSING to think better thoughts. I had never thought about it that way. I never thought that it is kind of like dieting. When you're used to just eating whatever you want and you decide for whatever reason that you need to change your diet, well the first little bit can be quite difficult and you just take one day at a time. Changing your life is pretty much the same. I think at times it can even be just about getting through one minute at a time but the most important thing is that when you "fail" you must not give up but pick yourself up and start over from right where you are and keep moving forward, never look back. I mean, sure we all look back in our lives at times because that is part of our "history", our lives but it is the reason we are looking back that matters. Are we looking back in hopes of changing what we did wrong or are we looking back as a moment of reflection, learning from a mistake or situation but realizing that it is what it is and the only change that we can make is the change of here and now.

So, today I make the choice to do my best at creating an atmosphere that God can work in my life, I choose to live with a positive attitude TODAY and not worry about TOMORROW until tomorrow is here and then tomorrow I will once again choose to take it one day at a time again and again. Like Joyce Meyer says, "God can make miracles out of messes and mistakes". Heavenly Father, I am trusting that you will take the messes that I have made out of my life, trying to do things on my own, and that You will begin to work the miracles that You have in store for me! I ask you to help me have an open heart and a willing spirit to get out of the way and let go and let You take control!

I hope you all have a wonderful & blessed Friday! I will have more for tomorrow but for now, well, life is calling!

Until then,
Beth