Just A Quick Note

Good afternoon all! Not sure who "all" is - I think I have one faithful visitor - yep, Mom, you're still my #1 fan! Oh, well, that's ok because this is really "therapy" for myself, if you will, a place for me to write down my thoughts, a journal of sorts.

I really hadn't felt too inspired today to write but I guess these are the days that I really need to take a look at myself and see what it is that I am trying to avoid looking at too closely.

I am listening to www.pandora.com. One of my friends, Dorether introduced me to this site. It is a little trying at first to figure out how to work it but now that I have it down I love it because I can customize it to what type of songs I want to listen to. Right now I am listening to inspirational christian R&B. The song right now is about Faith. What a word! Powerful! Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidenced of things not seen! Belief - belief that He will move in our lives.

I may be repeating myself here but just in case, I'm going to remind myself again! I looked up the definition of "Faith" according to the Miriam Webster Online Dictionary:

Allegiance to duty or a person. Fidelity to one's promises. Sincerity of intentions. Belief and trust in and loyalty to God. Belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion. Firm belief in something for which there is no proof. Complete trust. Something that is believed especially with strong conviction.

Ok, let's break it down. Why is it so easy to have unconditional faith and trust in some areas of our lives and yet, speaking for myself, why has it been so hard for me to let go and just BELIEVE and have FAITH that God is in control, that He loves me and that He wants nothing but GOOD things to happen in my life. It's when I try to take control, when I try and prove that I know what I'm doing that things go wrong, it's then that satan tries to make me think that it's God punishing me someway but in reality it's just me getting in the way of what God really wants in my life!

Why is it that I walk in the room and I flip the light switch and without even thinking about it I have faith that the the light will come on and I will be able to see. Why is it that I start my car and unless I have forgotten to put gas in it or something, I just "know" it's going to start. Without even thinking about how it's going to work, I just know. Why can I have such blind faith like that in such trivial materialistic things but when it comes to my Creator, my everlasting love, my Provider, my Strength, my Protector, the most Perfect Father, why, why do I find it so hard to believe that He has the Master Plan for my life that is filled with nothing but good if I will just get out of my own way??!!

Kind of like I blogged yesterday, I ask myself why have I wasted so much time in getting to know Him on a more intimate, more personal level? Why did I make our relationship something unattainable? Wow, I guess if it would have been easy it wouldn't have been worth fighting for! I guess if I hadn't gone through the adversity, the trials, the misteps then maybe I wouldn't be where I am today?

Trust has been a big one for me. There have been too few people in my life that I have been able to trust 100% to never hurt me, never let me down. It's hard to admit but the truth is that I haven't always been someone that others could trust 100% to not hurt them, to never let them down. And I understand why this is so difficult, it is because we are human, we are imperfect. And that's ok. When you love someone you love them because of their flaws, their imperfections.

I think because I don't give my trust easily that has been one of my stumbling blocks but I realize now that God IS perfect. His intentions is not to hurt us but to teach us, to mold us and make us into the people we have always been meant to be!

Even though faith is believing in things unseen, I have "seen" His power in my life. Many, many times He has shown himself to me. Many miracles, many prayers He has answered, I see Him through the example my parents have left for me, I see Him in the beauty that shines from the face of my precious daughter, a daughter that I would not have had the privelege to know had He not spared her life when she was just a baby, I see Him in the laughter of my loving son who had it not been for the miracle of God that spared his life that cold April day when his life as well as Dad's could have been taken in an instant, I see Him in all the ways He has gone before me even when I didn't realize it. Even though I don't "see" Him, I SEE Him!

I am thankful for today! Another day to rediscover the things I have forgotten. Another day to draw closer to my Savior! Another day to love those I hold close and dear to my heart! Thank you God for another day!

Until tomorrow,
Beth