T-I-M-E and Starting Over....

Good morning! After failing miserably at keeping this blog updated and going, I have decided to jump back into the waters and give it all my effort to do this for myself. I don't know how many of you check the blog but just in case.... and if not, that's ok because it is therapeutic for me. In case it wasn't apparent before, I love, love, love to write!!

There has been so much action that has happened since I last posted. I turned the BIG 40!! Actually it wasn't so bad. I don't feel any differently and age is only a number anyhow, right??!! The parts that have really freaked me out are that Bri is a S-E-N-I-O-R and Taylor just turned 16!! This has hit me harder than turning 40!

I sit back and beg time to stop. Just stop long enough for me to savor every moment, absorb it into my mind and my heart. Too soon the time will be here that they will no longer depend on me for their every need. Don't get me wrong, I would never clip their wings, never expect them not to fly and become their own person but I guess all of these years I convinced myself that they would always need me. They would always be my babies. I KNOW in my heart that they will ALWAYS need me because let's just face it, we ALWAYS need our Mom's no matter how old we are, there are times when only Mom can make things right! However, they will not NEED me for their survival, they will not NEED me to take care of them. I am afraid that I have defined myself as "Mom" and forgotten "Beth". But you know what, I wouldn't change it! I have LOVED, 100% loved being Mom to Bri and Taylor! It has been my honor and a source of TOTAL joy!

We had the Bertram reunion in May. It wasn't the same without Mom and Dad. Everyone said so. But, everyone also understood that they were just not able to make it. I am thankful the kids and I were able to go. I was able to have an amazing conversation with my Uncle Fred. One that brought healing to both of us I think. I am thankful for that conversation because a month later he passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Little did any of us know that our conversations, memories & moments we were sharing with him at the reunion would be our last with him. It makes me sad. It's just another example of that time thing I mentioned a few minutes ago. Time. Where is it going and why does it have to get there so fast??

I am looking forward to going to the Watson reunion in August. My Dad and Aunt Mallie are the only ones left as far as siblings go and I just don't want to miss an opportunity to be with them together that I might regret missing later on. I am finally understanding the meaning of "no regrets", living our lives with no regrets, living like we may have no tomorrow, dancing like it will be our last dance. While I understand the idea of living with no regrets, it's just getting myself there and over the hump of not knowing how to LIVE WITH NO REGRETS! It is a learning process!

The kids will be returning to school in just one short month! I will miss them. I know, I know I have parents tell me they can't wait until school starts again so they can get the kids out of their hair but here we go again, it's that TIME thing for me again! Rusty and I were talking on our way back from Pennsylvania after Uncle Fred's funeral about time. He will be turning 50 this year and his only son, Casey just got married on June 21st. I think the TIME thing has hit him as well. He played a great song for me by Pink Floyd called "Time" and boy did it hit the nail on the head. Sounds like our hearts and minds have realized the same thing doesn't it??

Bub, I just want to tell you that I totally appreciate you making sure I made it to New York while we were in PA. I appreciate you driving us and I also APPRECIATE what you are going through with TIME. If you need me, I am here. I may be the "baby" and you may be my "big" brother but I have an awesome shoulder to lean on and I can be strong when I need to be! I am proud to be your "little" sister! Ok, ok, I will stop with the mushy stuff! :)

To my family, ALL of you, I love you all. I haven't always been perfect and have had my many faults but I LOVE YOU ALL WITH ALL OF MY HEART!

Until tomorrow...
Beth

P.S. I'm leaving you with a picture of Casey & Kendra, the beautiful Bride & handsome Groom and with Whitney, their most beautiful Bridesmaid!