Farewell My Friends Farewell....

Just wanted to say "farewell" to this chapter in my blogging! I have created a new blogspot that is more appropriate for where I am currently finding myself in my journey of life! The year of change has served it's purpose for me and I am grateful that I found a place to give my innermost thoughts and feelings a voice.

My voice has been silent for so long that I have forgotten what it sounds like and most times do not even recognize the gentle whisper of my spirit telling me to rise up and be ME again! So, as a sign of leaving the old and moving forward to the new, I am retiring my previous blogs. Not erasing them because I feel this was a significant time of growth for me and something I want to always be able to reflect on. Just simply "retiring" and starting fresh! We all need a "fresh" start from time to time don't we?!

So, if you want to keep up with the lives and times of this Soon To Be Empty Nester Mom then check me out at http://emptynestermomtobe.blogspot.com!

Looking forward.......
Beth

What is Faith?

Good morning! It is a beautiful day and the sun is shining! I am going to take advantage of the cooler temp and mow the grass but wanted to take a few minutes and put my thoughts into writing.

As you may be able to see from the post title there has been a little thing on my mind lately and that is FAITH. Not such a "little" thing after all! The Bible says that if we can just have faith even the size of a mustard seed. A mustard seed is small, tiny in fact. I have been drawn to this fact several times this past week in my devotionals, scriptures and posts from some other blogs that I read. God, are You trying to tell me something here??!! Yes, I believe He is!

I did a little checking about the mustard seed and it turns out that even though it is small, once it is planted it takes root and becomes one of the biggest of trees. As I reflect on what that has to do with faith I realize that even if my faith is small, if I can just hold onto it even by the tips of my fingers it will take root and grow until there will be no denying that it exists in my life, there will be no doubt because the branches will be growing and wrapping around every aspect of my life, every issue, every heartache, every moment of joy, EVERYTHING!

I realize that I have actually had faith my entire life. For instance, I automatically had faith that my every need would be met as a child because I had faith in and trusted my parents that they would do that for me, as I transitioned into a young adult I had faith in myself that I could provide for myself and survive in the world, as a young mother I had faith that I would be a good mother, I had faith that I could take great care of my babies even though I had never been a mother before, as a wife I had faith that I would be a good wife, a good companion and a good support even though it was all "new" to me. I have had faith that everytime I went out to start my car it would start unless, of course, I had forgotten to put gas in the tank or something silly like that. I had faith that every time I flipped the light switch the lights would come on, turn on the faucet the water would be there, and on and on I could go. So, the question that stumps me is if I can have faith in all of these things then why have I allowed my faith to be so shaky in trusting the ONE who wants nothing but the best for me, the ONE who loves me unconditionally even when I mess it up, even when I get myself into situations that are absolutely stupid, He never lets it effect the way He feels about me, the ONE who actually was tortued to death because He loved me THAT MUCH??!!

Wow, how foolish I have been. Oh, don't get me wrong, I have "said" the right words and have actually tried to convince Him that I actually had faith, total 100% faith in Him to take marvelous care of me, to rescue me from myself and to provide our every need but all along He knew I was fronting! But the most amazing part is that even though He knew I was "fronting" He actually STILL loved me totally 100% loved me! Even though He knew the words coming out of my mouth and heart were the appropriate words but not words that I truly believed, He still loved me, He still carried me and He has still supplied my every need!

My Heavenly Father, I just want to say that I am sorry for not trusting you enough to have faith in You to take care of me. I am sorry that I have held onto that one aspect of my life. I am sorry that even though I have said I was letting go and letting You take care of things, I still kept my hands on it all. I know how much my parents love me and I know how much I love my own children and Your Word says that You love us even more than that! The fact that You have the capacity to love EVERYONE in this world and that before we even realize our need You already know, well, that just amazes me! I am sorry that I have broken Your heart when You were standing there waiting to take care of me and I overlooked Your outstretched arms and decided that my own way was better. I can't promise that I will always be perfect and that at times I will not try to take care of things myself but with Your help and Your guidance I will promise that I will trust You to show me when I am taking the wheel and give it back to You for I know you have the perfect roadway mapped out for my journey in this life. I love you and I thank you for loving me no matter what!

Until tomorrow,
Beth

T-I-M-E and Starting Over....

Good morning! After failing miserably at keeping this blog updated and going, I have decided to jump back into the waters and give it all my effort to do this for myself. I don't know how many of you check the blog but just in case.... and if not, that's ok because it is therapeutic for me. In case it wasn't apparent before, I love, love, love to write!!

There has been so much action that has happened since I last posted. I turned the BIG 40!! Actually it wasn't so bad. I don't feel any differently and age is only a number anyhow, right??!! The parts that have really freaked me out are that Bri is a S-E-N-I-O-R and Taylor just turned 16!! This has hit me harder than turning 40!

I sit back and beg time to stop. Just stop long enough for me to savor every moment, absorb it into my mind and my heart. Too soon the time will be here that they will no longer depend on me for their every need. Don't get me wrong, I would never clip their wings, never expect them not to fly and become their own person but I guess all of these years I convinced myself that they would always need me. They would always be my babies. I KNOW in my heart that they will ALWAYS need me because let's just face it, we ALWAYS need our Mom's no matter how old we are, there are times when only Mom can make things right! However, they will not NEED me for their survival, they will not NEED me to take care of them. I am afraid that I have defined myself as "Mom" and forgotten "Beth". But you know what, I wouldn't change it! I have LOVED, 100% loved being Mom to Bri and Taylor! It has been my honor and a source of TOTAL joy!

We had the Bertram reunion in May. It wasn't the same without Mom and Dad. Everyone said so. But, everyone also understood that they were just not able to make it. I am thankful the kids and I were able to go. I was able to have an amazing conversation with my Uncle Fred. One that brought healing to both of us I think. I am thankful for that conversation because a month later he passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Little did any of us know that our conversations, memories & moments we were sharing with him at the reunion would be our last with him. It makes me sad. It's just another example of that time thing I mentioned a few minutes ago. Time. Where is it going and why does it have to get there so fast??

I am looking forward to going to the Watson reunion in August. My Dad and Aunt Mallie are the only ones left as far as siblings go and I just don't want to miss an opportunity to be with them together that I might regret missing later on. I am finally understanding the meaning of "no regrets", living our lives with no regrets, living like we may have no tomorrow, dancing like it will be our last dance. While I understand the idea of living with no regrets, it's just getting myself there and over the hump of not knowing how to LIVE WITH NO REGRETS! It is a learning process!

The kids will be returning to school in just one short month! I will miss them. I know, I know I have parents tell me they can't wait until school starts again so they can get the kids out of their hair but here we go again, it's that TIME thing for me again! Rusty and I were talking on our way back from Pennsylvania after Uncle Fred's funeral about time. He will be turning 50 this year and his only son, Casey just got married on June 21st. I think the TIME thing has hit him as well. He played a great song for me by Pink Floyd called "Time" and boy did it hit the nail on the head. Sounds like our hearts and minds have realized the same thing doesn't it??

Bub, I just want to tell you that I totally appreciate you making sure I made it to New York while we were in PA. I appreciate you driving us and I also APPRECIATE what you are going through with TIME. If you need me, I am here. I may be the "baby" and you may be my "big" brother but I have an awesome shoulder to lean on and I can be strong when I need to be! I am proud to be your "little" sister! Ok, ok, I will stop with the mushy stuff! :)

To my family, ALL of you, I love you all. I haven't always been perfect and have had my many faults but I LOVE YOU ALL WITH ALL OF MY HEART!

Until tomorrow...
Beth

P.S. I'm leaving you with a picture of Casey & Kendra, the beautiful Bride & handsome Groom and with Whitney, their most beautiful Bridesmaid!

It's A Beautiful Sunday.....

I think I'll head outside for awhile and smile!!! (borrowed part of the lyrics from a song somewhere!!) No, but really, it is a BEAUTIFUL Sunday! It has been so rainy and "cool" that I was beginning to wonder if the weather was confused and thinking that instead of April showers bringing May flowers it would be something like May floods bring out June bugs!

It is hard to believe that we are on the downward turn of May which leads me closer to my beautiful Bri being a S-E-N-I-O-R! No, No, No, No, No!!!!!!!! Not that I want to hold her back or anything, I just want to slow things down a bit! I didn't realize that time was passing by so quickly and that my opportunity to treasure every moment with her still "under" my wing would soon be coming to an end. Yes, I know, she will always and forever be "mine" but she won't always "need" me as she has needed me before. I am sure that I will get to a place of peace and our relationship will always remain strong. I am thankful for her. She has been a true joy and blessing to me. I am thankful that out of all of the "daughters" in the world, God gave me you, my sweet Angel Face!

It's been an amazing week. It has been one that brings true appreciation for what you have, for your health and for your loved ones. One of my cousins passed away this past week and while he was much older than myself, it still saddens my heart. Gone too young. Things I am sure that he still wanted to do with his life.

It has been a week of showing me that people aren't what they pretend to be. I was blind sided again this week and so the wound is gapping open again. It seems as though it is beginning to heal and then another blowing of the wind, another turning of the tide and it is opened again, seeping pain, frustration and yes, anger. I am angry that this "garbage", this "whirlwind" has been able to bring about the devastation and destruction of a family that had previously been so close, so loving, so forgiving, obviously an illusion if only a small wind can rip it apart as though ripping through a delicate flower, a blosoming butterfly. Will it ever be the same? Will it ever be ok? No. It will never be the same. At some time in our lives we may be able to figure out a "new" normal but never the same. I have heard many times that you can't turn back the hands in time, a word spoken cannot return to the mouth as unspoken and now I fully understand what it means.

We can try. That's all we can do. Actually, I can try. I am only responsible for myself and cannot no matter how much I would like to try, I cannot take on the responsibility of someone elses actions, thoughts & desires. So, I will try. I will try to be the best I can be. I will try to forgive and forgive again. I will try to remember that revenge is not mine for the taking and I must fully rely on God to take care of it all.

Until tomorrow,
Beth

I forgot to add....

I forgot to tell you about one of the big "firsts" that we recently had! Bri had her first prom! She looked absolutely gorgeous! Below are some pictures for you to see! She is the furtherest on the right. Isn't she absolutely beautiful??!!

One More Thing I Forgot!

I completely forgot that I wanted to share a video link with you all that a friend of mine shared with me today. It is a worship skit that a church did to Casting Crowns, I am Yours. It is absolutely beautiful and will hopefully bless you as it has blessed me.

The link is

http://www.mychurch.org/blog/30635/coolest-video-ever

Many blessings to all!

Until tomorrow,
Beth

More As Promised!

Hello again! I kept my word! I have missed having this place to come and chronicle my thoughts, feelings, experiences, and just everyday life! I'm not sure where I was heading with this that scared me so badly that I totally backed away from it. Maybe I was getting to know myself too closely and it scared me? I do that from time to time. I am guilty of self-sabotage! I get really excited about something and good things seem to start happening and then out of nowhere, BAM, I knock my own feet right out from underneath me and take myself out of the game! Well, I am fighting back this time and I am saying "put me in Coach (God), I am ready to play today"! It has taken a lot for me to finally realize what I do to myself. It has taken even more time for me to actually admit it and accept it! But, I do and I own it. Good, bad or ugly, it is mine and mine alone and only me and me alone can do anything about it! (I mean this from a "human" stand point but from a spiritual stand point I know that God will more than likely be carrying me most of the way!) And I profess today that I WANT TO CHANGE! From the inside out..... So, I am asking you to remind me from time to time, even if I don't want to hear it, remind me that I am worth it, that I can do this not only for myself but for those who love me!

I think I have mentioned before that I have been reading "I dare you" by Joyce Meyer. I can't believe how long it has taken me to read it but well, I am sure that is another self sabotage! Anyhow, I have tried to absorb every word, every suggestion because amazingly enough this book is like a guidebook to changing your life! I started out highlighting and then switched to underlining because my highlighter ran out but I find myself highlighting almost every word! It all applies to me! When I think of Joyce as the woman I have seen stand before crowds of thousands and then I think of the woman who wrote this book, it is hard to equate the two as one. Boy, she sure has come a long way! Her life hasn't always been like it is now and even now her life isn't always the way it would appear. I realize that this is because she is human and human's can never be perfect! It was great to realize though that she is just like me. She still makes mistakes but the only difference is that she has a "workable plan" in place to pick herself up and dust herself off and keep going whereas I, myself in the past have just "given up" on myself and "given in" to my circumstances!

So, what does this show me? I need a plan. I need an "escape route" when the tour guide (me!) of my life gets lost and can't find her way! A road map so to speak! When I was younger I remember we sang a song in church that went like this "I am using my Bible for a road map". My Bible is a great road map but sometimes I have difficulty reading the "map" and I need someone to help me decipher the twists and turns. I believe that God uses others to help us navigate which is why we have pastors, teachers, worship leaders, friends and on and on the list goes. I love reading ways others have figured out how to build their bridges through the journey of life and how they have saught shelter when the storm felt like it was too great to push through. It gives me ideas to pick and choose that may help me through my walk with God!

One of the topics that I have been reading lately is about creating an atmosphere where God can work in my life, the power that just having hope can bring, and the importance of CHOOSING our thoughts and CHOOSING to think better thoughts. I had never thought about it that way. I never thought that it is kind of like dieting. When you're used to just eating whatever you want and you decide for whatever reason that you need to change your diet, well the first little bit can be quite difficult and you just take one day at a time. Changing your life is pretty much the same. I think at times it can even be just about getting through one minute at a time but the most important thing is that when you "fail" you must not give up but pick yourself up and start over from right where you are and keep moving forward, never look back. I mean, sure we all look back in our lives at times because that is part of our "history", our lives but it is the reason we are looking back that matters. Are we looking back in hopes of changing what we did wrong or are we looking back as a moment of reflection, learning from a mistake or situation but realizing that it is what it is and the only change that we can make is the change of here and now.

So, today I make the choice to do my best at creating an atmosphere that God can work in my life, I choose to live with a positive attitude TODAY and not worry about TOMORROW until tomorrow is here and then tomorrow I will once again choose to take it one day at a time again and again. Like Joyce Meyer says, "God can make miracles out of messes and mistakes". Heavenly Father, I am trusting that you will take the messes that I have made out of my life, trying to do things on my own, and that You will begin to work the miracles that You have in store for me! I ask you to help me have an open heart and a willing spirit to get out of the way and let go and let You take control!

I hope you all have a wonderful & blessed Friday! I will have more for tomorrow but for now, well, life is calling!

Until then,
Beth

I'm Back!

Good morning! First off I would like to apologize to you and to myself for neglecting to keep my commitment to blog on a daily basis. I did really well there for a while and then I let life get in the way and for that I am truly sorry! There has to be a way for me to do both and I promise I will work at figuring that out! I hope all is well with you!

I promise that I will post a more detailed update in a little while. I have a few phone calls to catch up on and I need my undivided attention to update! Looking forward to updating you soon!

Until then,
Beth

This Is The Way We Paint The Walls.....

Good morning! Not sure if you were able to catch on to the title but it is running through my head like that little nurssery rhyme, "this is the way we go to school, go to school, go to school......" and also that today we are going to ATTEMPT to paint Bri's room! She has been asking for quite some time to have her room painted pink and green (I know, I know, but just go with me on this one! I promise it will look better than it sounds and will figure out how to post pictures of the finished product!). She so eloquently reminded me the other day that she has been asking for several years now and it has been put off and put off until now she only has ONE MORE YEAR to enjoy it! :( :) (sad for me, happy for her maybe?!) I just wanted to bawl my eyes out because she just had to remind me of the big elephant that looms in the room at all times but is most of the time successfully avoided, that she will be going away to college in a little over a year but also that I had procrastinated on yet another thing that was important to her. I am so sorry Bri! Until I finally admitted to myself that I needed to make some major changes in my life, I never realized how much I had let you and Bub down! Can't go backwards, MUST go forward! I am working on doing better!

So, as soon as I get done "talking" to y'all, I am going to go wake that little sleepy head up, and off to Lowe's we go! Jeff had won a gift card for Lowe's in a little competition thing they had going at work and we were going to save it for a new lawn mower but sometimes we just HAVE to have priorities and my baby girl is a MAJOR priority! We will just get a used one if we have to this year and next year (oh, no, let's don't talk about that again!!) or maybe even at the end of the season when they are crazily marked down we can get one then. Like I said, priorities, priorities!!

We had a WONDERFUL visit yesterday with the family! Thank you Aunt Lou (Brenda :)) for lunch! It was a totally unexpected but MUCH appreciated surprise! We love you! It is so difficult for me to see all of us changing as we get older. I know that it is an inevitable part of life but still so difficult to watch. I am so thankful that my parents instilled in me a love and respect for my "elders". They have so much that we can learn from them and they need to know that we love and care for them always!

It was a day full of many emotions. We laughed and cried. After we visited with everyone at Brenda's we went over to Uncle Bill's. Bill & Lyla live in the house that my parents owned many years ago. We were driving down the road and Jackie said "they're not home yet" and I was thinking to myself "how does she know that because we're not even there yet", when she flipped on the turn signal and I realized that we were at their driveway. I didn't even recognize it. It had changed so drasticly. The fields that once surrounded Aunt Lou & Uncle Jesse's house, the house and the old rickity barn were all gone. Replaced by commercial real estate. Commercial real estate upon our many wonderful memories. Sad. So sad. Just another proof that life goes on around us.

I miss those days. Those days of carefree living, loving & family. Those days when there wasn't so much ugliness in the world. People had compassion and respect for others. We can get it back. It will just take a committment to God and to ourselves that we deserve, we desire and we want to be better. kinder and loving people! I am striving to begin the change inside of me!

Well, there is a paint brush & beautiful pink and green paint that are calling my name! I pray you all have a WONDERFUL day!

Until tomorrow,
Beth

Been Away Too Long.....

Good morning! I'm back! I just realized today that I haven't "talked" to you all since Friday! Things have been kind of crazy around here. My Aunt Doris and Cousin Jeremy came in from out of town on Sunday and I had neglected cleaning (I mean really cleaning!) my house for a while so, as you can imagine, I had to put in several hours taking care of things that I should have been doing all along! Oh, well, can't change it can I? So, I must move on!

I am glad they are here visiting with us! My sister, Jackie is in town also and so today we are all going to see my Aunt Lou. I am ashamed to say that she lives right here in the same state with me but yet it seems the only time I get to see her is when we all go to KENTUCKY for the family reunion! I put caps on Kentucky to draw emphasis to it, yeah, that's pretty pathetic isn't it? We live in INDIANA but yet I only see her when we all go to KENTUCKY! Why is it that it is so easy to procrastinate? Why is it that it is so easy to make "empty" promises. "I promise I will bring Mom and Dad over to see you" and then it never seems to happen. I regret that.

One of the things that life has taught me is that life is not guaranteed. It is time that I start living every day. Do the things that I have put off. Say what I mean and mean what I say. Forgive. Love. Hope. Faith. Peace. I have so much to learn.......

Well, I must sign off for today because my "drill sergant" (Jackie :)) has given me a time limit and well, we all know me, I am running out of time!!!!

I hope you all have a WONDERFUL day!

Until tomorrow,
Beth

55 Years Ago Today....

55 years ago today, a shy beautiful young girl named Gladys Bertram became the bride of a dashing, handsome young man named Naymon Watson! Out of those beautiful 55 years have come four children who are so very proud to call them Mom & Dad; Jackie (married to Kenny) Vetter, Rusty (married to Penny) Watson, Melanie (married to Noble) Calvert and Beth (married to Jeff) Forey. Each of their children have been blessed to give them grandchildren; Rosemary (Jackie's oldest and married to Byron) Gee, Jenny (Jackie's youngest and married to Keith) Morgan, Casey Watson (Rusty's oldest) and Whitney Watson (Rusty's youngest), Devanie Calvert (Melanie's oldest), Braeden Calvert (Melanie's 2nd), Eian Calvert (Melanie's youngest), Brianna Forey (Beth's oldest) and Taylor Forey (Beth's youngest. A few of those grandchildren have been blessed to give them great grandchildren; Mique Lynn (Rosemary's oldest and our little Angel), Kaleb Gee (Rosemary's youngest), Madyson, Maya, Maisy, Moriah & Aden Morgan (Jenny's children).

As you can see, what started out as 2 has now become 26!!!! I am sure that number will continue to change, as a matter of fact, I know it will because Casey will be getting married to Kendra on June 23rd which will make us 27!!! I am sure they never thought in their wildest dreams that one day their lives would be like they are today!

Mom & Dad, I want to wish you HAPPY 55TH ANNIVERSARY! I am sooooooo proud to call you my parents! I don't deserve you but I am so thankful God blessed me with you. Out of all of the families He could have given me He gave me you and I am so eternally thankful to Him for that!

Thank you for the examples you set for me. Thank you for not giving up when the going got tough! Thank you for always loving me even when I didn't always make it easy! Thank you for accepting me just as I am. Thank you for always being my #1 fans! Thank you for kissing every scrape & bruise and for wiping away the tears and for telling me everything would be ok even when you didn't know for sure you still believed! Thank you for sleeping with me all those night when I would have nightmares and be afraid and thank you for not blowing my secret about it! Thank you for taking me to Church every Sunday and other days in between. Thank you for teaching me about God! Thank you for just loving me, thank you for showing me how to love others. Thank you for ALWAYS being my soft place to fall!

I do not know where I would be today if it weren't for the two of you. Here I am an almost 40 year old woman and yet there is no one or nothing that can make the heartache better, no one to comfort me when I am broken, no one I run to when life gets too tough than Mom & Dad. I love you both! You are not only my wonderful parents but you are both MY BEST FRIENDS!

I LOVE YOU BOTH INFINITY!

Love, Bethie

Really, Just A Quick Update!

Good afternoon! Ok, so yesterday I titled my blog "a quick update" and then once I got started writing I just couldn't stop but today I REALLY, REALLY mean it, this will be just a "quick" update!

Not much going on here. Just today is another one of those "bad" days where the pain is really kicking my booty! I am so frustrated at feeling like this. For the most part, in the past I would have sometimes up to as much as a 7 day period where I would feel bad and then gradually seem to bounce back but this time it has now been almost 3 weeks with this episode and I just can't seem to shake it. I am so frustrated and just want to know what is going on with my body!

Please pray with me that I will be able to find SOMEONE who will listen to me and will be willing to get to the bottom of all of my symptoms and not just look at me like I'm crazy! :(

I'm sorry if I seem negative today. Trying really hard not to be but right now I am just overwhelmed! Hoping you all have a wonderful day!

Until tomorrow,
Beth

Just A Quick Note

Good afternoon all! Not sure who "all" is - I think I have one faithful visitor - yep, Mom, you're still my #1 fan! Oh, well, that's ok because this is really "therapy" for myself, if you will, a place for me to write down my thoughts, a journal of sorts.

I really hadn't felt too inspired today to write but I guess these are the days that I really need to take a look at myself and see what it is that I am trying to avoid looking at too closely.

I am listening to www.pandora.com. One of my friends, Dorether introduced me to this site. It is a little trying at first to figure out how to work it but now that I have it down I love it because I can customize it to what type of songs I want to listen to. Right now I am listening to inspirational christian R&B. The song right now is about Faith. What a word! Powerful! Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidenced of things not seen! Belief - belief that He will move in our lives.

I may be repeating myself here but just in case, I'm going to remind myself again! I looked up the definition of "Faith" according to the Miriam Webster Online Dictionary:

Allegiance to duty or a person. Fidelity to one's promises. Sincerity of intentions. Belief and trust in and loyalty to God. Belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion. Firm belief in something for which there is no proof. Complete trust. Something that is believed especially with strong conviction.

Ok, let's break it down. Why is it so easy to have unconditional faith and trust in some areas of our lives and yet, speaking for myself, why has it been so hard for me to let go and just BELIEVE and have FAITH that God is in control, that He loves me and that He wants nothing but GOOD things to happen in my life. It's when I try to take control, when I try and prove that I know what I'm doing that things go wrong, it's then that satan tries to make me think that it's God punishing me someway but in reality it's just me getting in the way of what God really wants in my life!

Why is it that I walk in the room and I flip the light switch and without even thinking about it I have faith that the the light will come on and I will be able to see. Why is it that I start my car and unless I have forgotten to put gas in it or something, I just "know" it's going to start. Without even thinking about how it's going to work, I just know. Why can I have such blind faith like that in such trivial materialistic things but when it comes to my Creator, my everlasting love, my Provider, my Strength, my Protector, the most Perfect Father, why, why do I find it so hard to believe that He has the Master Plan for my life that is filled with nothing but good if I will just get out of my own way??!!

Kind of like I blogged yesterday, I ask myself why have I wasted so much time in getting to know Him on a more intimate, more personal level? Why did I make our relationship something unattainable? Wow, I guess if it would have been easy it wouldn't have been worth fighting for! I guess if I hadn't gone through the adversity, the trials, the misteps then maybe I wouldn't be where I am today?

Trust has been a big one for me. There have been too few people in my life that I have been able to trust 100% to never hurt me, never let me down. It's hard to admit but the truth is that I haven't always been someone that others could trust 100% to not hurt them, to never let them down. And I understand why this is so difficult, it is because we are human, we are imperfect. And that's ok. When you love someone you love them because of their flaws, their imperfections.

I think because I don't give my trust easily that has been one of my stumbling blocks but I realize now that God IS perfect. His intentions is not to hurt us but to teach us, to mold us and make us into the people we have always been meant to be!

Even though faith is believing in things unseen, I have "seen" His power in my life. Many, many times He has shown himself to me. Many miracles, many prayers He has answered, I see Him through the example my parents have left for me, I see Him in the beauty that shines from the face of my precious daughter, a daughter that I would not have had the privelege to know had He not spared her life when she was just a baby, I see Him in the laughter of my loving son who had it not been for the miracle of God that spared his life that cold April day when his life as well as Dad's could have been taken in an instant, I see Him in all the ways He has gone before me even when I didn't realize it. Even though I don't "see" Him, I SEE Him!

I am thankful for today! Another day to rediscover the things I have forgotten. Another day to draw closer to my Savior! Another day to love those I hold close and dear to my heart! Thank you God for another day!

Until tomorrow,
Beth

Memories In The Making!

Good morning! Praying you all had a wonderful & glorious Resurrection Sunday! I did! Taylor and I started out the day by going to Mom & Dad's church for Sunrise Service. It started at 7:00am!! I was so worried about over sleeping that I didn't hardly sleep at all! But let me tell you, it was SO WORTH IT! It felt like the "old" days. Me sitting there beside my precious Mother watching and listening to Daddy preach! We spent many a Sunday morning just like that! After Sunrise Service we went to the little community center where the women in the church had prepared a wonderful breakfast. After breakfast we went back to church for the later service. Jeff and Bri made it and it was so wonderful for me to be sitting in church with my little family! I have to admit that it was more than a little emotional!

It becomes clearer and clearer everyday that we are all getting "older" and while I know that this is a natural progression of life, I just simply want to dig in my heels and yell at time. I want it to stop! I am not prepared for what "getting older" means. Jeff and I both were moved to tears as we watched Daddy tell the wonderful story of Jesus' life and death. It has become increasingly clear to me that Daddy is not that big, strong man of my youth. Don't get me wrong, he is still a VERY strong man but just in a different way. He can still only make things "just right" the way Daddy's do. He is still the "pillar" of this family. He just needs a little "extra" help now. And Mommy, well, what can I say about the strongest woman I know? It is so clear that she suffers with pain in her body but she does it silently, never complains. I can see it though. I know. I wish I could take her suffering away. I can see the pain in her eyes when she doesn't know anyone is looking. The pain of seeing this wonderful man who has walked along beside her now for many, many years, seeing him struggle to be the man he has always been but life making it more difficult. She is my hero! Mom, you are the one I run to when life overwhelms me, when my heart is broken, it is your lap I lay my head in when nothing else will help. I want to make many more memories with you and Daddy. I want to take in every minute and absorb them into the core of my being!

Getting older is evidenced by the fact that my precious daughter is now 17! She so eloquently reminded me Saturday that I only have ONE MORE YEAR before she will be spreading her wings and flying away! Wow, I just can't believe it! Again, I want to yell at time, "STOP"! Leave me alone! I still have too much that I want to do with her while she is still "mine"! She has wanted her bedroom painted for several years now. Pink and green. One more year. How much time is that in reality that she can really enjoy seeing her room the way she wanted it? Why did I wait? Why did I put it off?

She still has such an innocent heart. She isn't too big to allow her mother one more year to have an Easter egg hunt! She colored and decorated them and then just like all the years before, Grandma and Mom hid them a few times and she hunted and then she hid them a few times and Grandma and Mom hunted! What a wonderful memory! I don't want to waste anymore time! None of us know exactly how much time we have left. Why didn't I realize this a long time ago?

Getting older is evidenced by the deep sound of Taylor's voice. He will be a man in a few short years! His getting older is evidenced by the fact that he didn't REALLY want to participate in the Easter egg hung, but he did. Thank you buddy for humoring Grandma, Grandpa and Mom! It's evidenced in our very "mature" conversations about religion, politics, history and life in general. I have a little more time with him to correct what I have done wrong, what I have missed.

To Bri, I can't change what I have or haven't done in the past but I promise from this point forward that I will do my best to make many WONDERFUL, HAPPY memories with you! To not put off tomorrow what can be done today! We may technically have only ONE MORE YEAR but you will ALWAYS be my little girl, my Angel Face and no matter how old you are, where life may take you, I will ALWAYS be your Mom!

To Taylor, I vow to make things better than they have been. I promise to turn off the tv and just "talk", to take walks with you, to work on helping you have a healthier lifestyle so that you will not have to worry about your health and just enjoy being "normal". I promise to be better than before!

To my family, I love you all so much, beyond what I can even explain and I am so THANKFUL God has blessed me with you! We may not always be the "perfect" family but what family is? And why would be want to be perfect? Because the journey of life is what makes us who we are, what has made us the loving, kind and forgiving family we have been and always will be!

To Joyce and Ernie, I love you both just because.... What is blood? Love is all that matters and we know that you both love us just as though we were your own! Always know that we love you! I promise to be better. I promise to always love you and be there for you!

As I continue this journey of change, I commit to myself that I will live, love and forgive like there is no tomorrow! I will make many memories with those I love and hold them close to my heart!

Until tomorrow,
Beth

Happy Saturday!

Ugh! I just had a long update all typed up and was so inspired and then BAM "internet explorer is not responding" interrupts me and I have to start over!!! Oh, well, that's ok, maybe I wasn't supposed to post what I had written. I am NOT going to let a little computer glitch DEFEAT ME! Enough time spent on that - DONE! It will be a WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL AND HAPPY SATURDAY!!

So, I sit here and I ask God, what is Your will for me to say today? What do You have in store for me today? As many of you alerady know I follow several amazing children, men & women fighting with everything they have against cancer and other life threatening illnesses. As I was checking on them this morning, one in particular just really touched my heart. She is nearing the end of her journey here on earth. Her story is one of strength, courage, faith, trust and an amazing story of love. Her husband described this morning the beginning of their "fairy tale" romance. He described how he went into their marriage knowing that there would be health crisis' in their future. He knew she was a diabetic. He knew children might not be in their future. He didn't care. Shortly before proposing to her he had a vision of sorts. He now understands that God was gently letting him know that there would come a day where they would face a major health crisis but that God would get him through it.

They married and although things were not always "perfect" and although trials in life would cause them to take paths they weren't thrilled to trod, they did so knowing they were following God's will for their lives. If you asked him today if he regreted the sacrifices he has had to make to be married to the love of his life, his answer would no doubt be 100% wholeheartedly, emphatically NO! Of course, he would gladly take away the excruciating pain and suffering she has had to endure but since this is the path they must go down, he considers it an honor to be able to love her, care for her, cherish her, let his face be the face she sees when she opens her eyes, let his loving touch be the comfort to her soul and that his hand will be the one to give her back to her Heavenly Father when the time comes. Wow, what an UNSELFISH, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! What an amazing love story!

Which leads me into the UNWAVERING love story of our Lord for us! I was a little disheartened yesterday and felt that I had let God down because I hadn't pushed through the sickness and put into writing what His love meant to me on Good Friday. I realize now that it is OK because those words weren't for Him but for me. He already knows my heart! He knows how much His love and ultimate sacrifice mean to me! Even though I know that He knows, I am still going to honor Him with my words!

What does His sacrifice mean to me? Everything! Without His sacrifice I would have no hope. No hope of forgiveness, no hope of eternal life, no hope to carry on. There would be no joy in my life. No One to wipe the tears of my heart, no One to heal the bruises of life, no One to teach me how to love unconditionally, no One to teach me how to forgive others and to forgive myself. I wouldn't have a chance to make things better, different, no grace, no hope.

What an AMAZING gift! He didn't have to do it but He said, "Here I am Lord, send Me" and He went knowing what His future would behold. He suffered. Oh, how He suffered. But He did it. They beat Him beyond what I can even comprehend but He stayed the course. I can't imagine the torture He endured hanging on that cross. He was thirsty. They gave Him vinegar? But yet He stayed the course. "It is finished!" He paid the ultimate sacrifice for you and me! What an ULTIMATE love story! Total, 100% unconditional love!

I am thankful for His love. I am still learning everyday but I am so thankful He loved me enough to stick with me even though I wasn't always what He wanted me to be. I am thankful that I have the hope of eternal life. I am thankful that I can teach my children to have hope. Hope for a better tomorrow, hope for eternity.

Praying God be with you all as you celebrate & reflect on His death & resurrection. May you be filled with love & hope!

Until tomorrow,
Beth

Another Day - Another Discovery!

Good morning! As I was reading my devotions this morning once again I was drawn to the words of yesterday - wisdom & knowledge! I believe He's trying to tell me something don't you??! I have decided that in order for me to change the journey of my life, I must submerge myself in learning, reading, praying and with an open heart because even though I have learned the definitions of wisdom and understanding, I must learn how to apply them to my life and I must be open and eager each day to learn and grow from my hopes, dreams, aspirations and even my mistakes! I must keep adding and building my life from the ground up so that I am exactly where God needs me to be!

I will most likely not make it a habbit to post my daily Spirit of Prophecy bullitins but once again, this one is speaking directly to me and goes hand-in-hand with what we have been talking about so hopefully you won't mind if I share today's bullitin with you!

Small Straws In A Soft Wind by Marsha Burns - March 20, 2008: Prepare to be stretched as you encounter challenging opportunities. Do not despair when you have no idea how to respond to situations that present themselves to you. When you need wisdom ask! I will give it. I will show you what to do and how to do it. But, you must ask in faith and wait for my direction. Keep moving ahead with confidence, and remember that My strength is made perfect in your weakness. You may not feel up to the task, but I will do through you all that is necessary, says the Lord.

Wow! I wasn't joking was I?! Yep, speaking directly to me! You might say that it is speaking to you and that's ok, I'll share! :) I never realized before that although our "paths" may not be the same and the circumstances of our lives may not be the same we all share a common hope if you will, of a better life, happiness, love & a personal realationship with God. In order for me to apply what I am learning to my life I must fully understand what I am reading. In Marsha's devotional she talks about not having despair when we have no idea how to respond to the circumstances in our lives and to have faith in asking for God's direction and yes, WISDOM!

I looked up the words despair, faith and hope in the Webster's online dictionary and here is what I found:

Despair: to be hopeless, to have no hope, to give up all hope or expectations, utter hopelessness, complete despondency.

Faith: allegiance to duty or a person, fidelity to one's promises, sincerity of intentions, belief and trust in and loyalty to God, firm belief in something for which there is no proof, complete trust.

Hope: to cherish a desire with anticipation, to desire with expectation of obtainment, to expect with confidence.

Isn't it amazing how these words go hand in hand? Without hope there would be despair and without faith we would have no hope! No hope for a better life, no hope for things to come, no hope that our dreams and aspirations and our children's dreams and aspiration would ever be obtainable! Without hope we would surely wither up and die just as the beautiful flowers that bloom so beautiful in the Spring and into the Summer and then just simply because Fall/Winter is at hand it must wither and die. However, just as the flower must wither and die, it is left with the promise that the seeds have been planted and come Spring it will flourish again! There have been many seeds planted in my life over the years and I just want those of you who have taken the time to plant those seeds to know that your work has not been for naught. It may have taken a while but I am working diligently at cultivating those seeds and growing them so that I can become the person God has always intended me to be!

I'm not saying that the dark days of despair are forever gone, I pray that they are but I also know that I am human and very imperfect but the difference between those dark days and now is that I UNDERSTAND that I have HOPE and FAITH and that everyday I am striving for the WISDOM and KNOWLEDGE that I need to carry me through the journey of life!

I don't know if any of you are struggling with anything today but I just wanted to encourage you to have FAITH & HOPE and TRUST. Trust, well, that's a BIG ONE! I promise to do some research on trust and how to apply it to my life tomorrow!

Hope everyone is well and having a WONDERFUL day!

Until tomorrow,
Beth

Fulfilling My Destiny

Good morning! It is a rainy Wednesday morning here but I am thankful for another day! Although the sun isn't shining it's ok because I know that Spring is here and in order to get to the "sunny" days we have to go through the "rain/storms" to get to those beautiful, warm summer days and nights! Spring is evident by the buds on the trees, the chirping of the birds, neighbors taking advantage of the warm weather (even though it may be temporary!) and walking together as a family and just the overall sense that the early darkness of evening will soon turn to beautiful sunsets! Seems like a metaphor of life, doesn't it?! Sometimes it seems like we're overwhelmed by the "rains" in our lives but I am learning to look at them in a different way. I am learning that "rain" is also a way of cleansing, nurturing & growth!

Everyday I get an email from Bill & Marsha Burns. Marsha writes daily motivation emails with references to scriptures for women. I have been receiving them for quite some time now and have been absolutely blown away by how close to my heart and circumstances they have been. Until recently I had just read them and thought, well yeah, that's great and it does seem like she's speaking directly to me, but until I started this journey of changing my life I never really tried to take action in applying her advice to my life. If you don't mind I would love to share today's entry with you:

Small Straws In A Soft Wind by Marsha Burns - March 19, 2008: I speak to you, my people, and tell you that I see you in your dilema. I know your heart when you feel as though you have no place and do not fit. I understand your sense of isolation, for you are not going through anything that I Myself have not endured. Yet, you will also fulfill your destiny as I fulfilled Mine. Do not fear that you will be forsaken because I am with you always and will not leave you alone, say the Lord. Be courageous and stand strong, for you will soon find your niche. Take heart, and rejoice. It will be as though you, as a piece of the puzzle, will be put in place.

Wow and DOUBLE WOW!! Fulfilling our destiny. Only God knows what my destiny is but I am so looking forward to walking with Him and fulfilling my role in this journey of life!

I have been reading in Proverbs for my daily devotionals and have been so drawn to two specific words that are written over and over, wisdom (followed with prudence) and knowledge (followed with discretion). After reading about how important it is for us to have wisdom and knowledge I decided that I needed to look up the definitions of these words so that I would fully understand their meaning and how to apply them to my life. Once again, WOW!

Definitions from Webster online:

Wisdom: Ability to discern inner qualities and relationships. A wise attitude, belief or course of action.

Prudence: The ability to govern and discipline oneself by the use of reason. Skill and good judgment in the use of resources. Caution or circumspection as to danger or risk.

Knowledge: The fact or condition of knowing something with familiarity gained through experience or association. The fact or condition of being aware of something. The sum of what is known: the body of truth, information, and principles acquired by humankind.

Discretion: Ability to make responsible decisions.

Now I understand why they go hand in hand! What good is knowledge if we don't have wisdom in how to use that knowledge and what good is prudence if we don't have the discretion to discipline ourselves and apply good judgment to our lives?

Many of you know that this past year has been a particularly difficult year for me and my family but as I sit here and reflect I realize that many of our choices were made without using any of these qualities. So much heartache that could have been avoided however, had we not made the choices we made we wouldn't have learned and grown from them and we would not have been stronger as a family. It is in times like these that can either make or break you and times like these that bring you to a place inside yourself where you learn and discover just what you are made of. So, I choose to look at this past year as one of learning and growing, one that has made me stronger in every aspect of my life. I can't go back and change it and you know, I have decided that I wouldn't if I could because then I would never have known myself as I do today!

Ok, so it has been another one of those amazingly lengthy blogs and I apologize, I just have so much that I want to discover, so much that I want to share, so much living to do! Thank you all for being patient with me and for allowing me to pour out my heart to you!

I will end with an update on the family. Jeff, Bri and Taylor are doing great. Bri was supposed to have a softball game last night but due to the rain it was cancelled. Taylor did a wonderful job on his homeschool work again. Mom wasn't feeling the best yesterday. She never complains but I could hear it in her voice. I was looking through some pictures last night of the American Red Cross event where Taylor was inducted into the Wall of Fame and I saw pictures of my precious Mommy and Daddy. They are beautiful to me! My heart broke as I looked at them because on one hand, the physical condition that Daddy was in was absolutely AMAZING but on the other hand seeing how great he looked then compared to now, well, there is no comparison. Looking at Mommy, you can see the toll that all of those long, vigorous days she spent with Daddy in the hospital had taken on her. You can see the exhaustion in her precious face. But, once again, NEVER a complaint! And my children, well, I just couldn't believe how little they were! Seems like only a few months ago! Oh, how the time flies!

Mom, when I finally grow up, I want to be just like you! :)

Until tomorrow,
Beth

Reflections In The Mirror....

Good morning! I apologize that my last few posts were more on the "downer" side of things and I appreciate you hanging in there with me and supporting me! After running across a few "speedbumps" in the journey of my life it is time to get off the curb and back in the flow of traffic!

I think part of the problem has been that I have been having extraordinary pain issues over the past several days and after so many days of feeling this unbearable pain it finally begins to wear on you. But I have hope that comes in the form of an appointment with a top notch Neurologist in April. I scheduled this appointment in January! I hope that means that she is REALLY GOOD!

What am I doing at this moment you might ask??!! Well, besides "talking" to you I am listening to the GREATEST CHRISTIAN ROCK BAND in the world! Yep, that's right, Mesynger! I'm listening to their "debut" cd. Rusty, what's a girl got to do to get your booty in gear and get that NEW cd out to your #1 fan???? Not that I don't absolutely love ALL of your stuff but you have some pretty AWESOME new stuff too! I thought I had "connections"???!!! :)

Had a little bit of a scare yesterday with my sister, Jackie. She had a liver biopsy last week and was experiencing some complications from the procedure. After doing a CT scan they determined they could send her home with medication for the pain. You scared me girl, I wanted so desperately to be there with you! I'm praying you are much better today!

Mom and Dad seem to be doing ok. They never really complain. They are my inspiration! They have led by example and I only hope and pray that I have done the same with my own children. They are the true definition of loving parents. They have sacrificed ALWAYS for each other and their children. What a blessing to be their child!

I cannot talk about my family without thinking about my sister, Mel. Mel, I know you don't read this but I just couldn't leave you out, ever. I love you. I don't understand what has happened and everyday I grieve for you. I pray that God will fix this and that you and I can find our way back to each other. Always remember that I love you, no matter what, no matter the distance, I miss you and the hole in my heart seems to get bigger everyday! Life is too short. If anything were to happen I'm glad that I am able to put it in writing so that you can see it one day and KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt, these are my words, believe them, I LOVE YOU, ALWAYS AND FOREVER!

Jeff, Bri and Taylor are doing well too. Jeff is hoping to sell a house or two this week! God knows he could sure use it but all in His timing! Bri is keeping up with an exhausting schedule right now with softball. She has some form of softball practice every day sometimes two times a day. This is the time of year that you can literally almost everyday see her changing right before your eyes! Taylor is doing so well on his home schooling! I have to admit that I was worried that it would be a challenge to be disciplined everyday but he has not complained one time and works diligently each day to accomplish what he needs to accomplish!

All in all, as you can see, I have SO MUCH to be thankful and SO MUCH to put a smile on my face! Doubt, fear, pain, anxiety may have won this battle but it WILL NOT win the war! I am a fighter! I am a warrior! I can do ALL THINGS through Christ Who strengthens me!

Finally, I will leave you with a simple poem that reflects why I chose today's title:

Reflection In The Mirror
By Beth Forey

I look in the mirror
And what do I see?
The eyes of my soul
Looking back at me.

Take a look closer
Do not be afraid.
Do not hang your head
Your feelings evade.

You are the one
No one else can be.
There is no one else
That can ever be me.

I am a fighter
A warrior of sorts.
A survivor of life
Even if at times I fall short.

So I look in the mirror
And the reflection I see
Although flawed and scarred
I am beautiful to me!

Until tomorrow,
Beth

I Know I Promised But.....

Good morning! I know I promised yesterday that today would be another one of those more detailed days of "reflection" but today is another one of those too painful days for me to even try and put my thoughts/feelings/memories into writing so, if you all will just bear with me for another day I promise to make it up to you! Breathe in, breathe out....

Until then,
Beth

What Can I Say In 5 Minutes Or Less?

Ok, so Bri has told me that she will be down in 5 minutes so I must make this quick! We are going to Grandma Joyce's today to take her clean clothes to her and make sure she is doing ok. She had surgery on her foot about 5 weeks ago and it has been a long, rough road to recovery for her! I am so thankful that I am able to help her out and be there for her! I haven't always been the best daughter-in-law to her but I am thankful she has loved me anyway!

Tomorrow I will have more time to go into a more detailed look at myself but for today I just wanted to put a few things into words. Thanks to my WONDERFUL , AMAZING, "big" sister for pointing out to me in her comment that I AM LOVED! Wow, what an AMAZING gift/blessing! And I truly am loved! I realize that we may not always get the kind of love we think we want or we think we deserve and that's ok because when you are TRULY loved by your children, your family and friends that is the kind of love that sticks with you. The kind that sticks with you through thick and think, cards on the table, no matter what. That is love!

I have that love in my life along with the love of my Savior! What more could I ask for?!

Thank you Sis for reminding me! Thank you also for reminding me that I must breathe in to breathe it all out! I love you bunches!

Until tomorrow,
Beth

T.G.I.S.!!!!

Thank God It's Saturday! Well, at least I thought so until Jeff woke me up at 6:30 am (I know, 6:30 on a Saturday morning???!!) to take Bri to softball practice! Iguess I don't really have the right to complain about that one tho' because Bri is the one that has to practice from 7:00 AM to 4:00 PM!! Wow, makes me exhausted just thinking about it! They only have this extreme practice once a month however, they do early morning training and after school practice M-F and every Saturday they have some form of practice! Oh, well, that's the price you pay when you decide to play a sport! You have to take the good with the bad! Which leads me to today's entry!

Yesterday would qualify as the "bad" and I appreciate your all bearing with me! Thank you, Sis for supporting me and encouraging me! It means more than you know! I fought all day with my emotions and my physical pain all the way up until I finally surrendered to sleep! I am praying today will be better. I can handle the "emotional" stuff it's the physical pain that is trying to kick my booty!

Ok, enough of all the boo-hooing, time to move on! I have some AMAZING news to share with you all!! I wrote an offer for one of my clients. Praying that the seller's will accept it! Also, another realtor wrote an offer on one of listings and the seller accepted their offer too! What an amazing answer to prayer! I had prayed and asked God to send me a client. Since I had no clients in the works I wasn't sure how that was going to happen but just told Him to take care of it and just sent me someone, anyone! I am so thankful He heard that prayer!

I must run along now because today promises to be a busy day whether I am ready for it or not! Remember that practice I told you about? Well, I do have a little "participation" in it! The parents must be there by 10:00 am for a parent/coaches meeting and being that it is now 8:19 am and I have yet to shower, well, those of you that know me know that it is TOUGH getting me going in the mornings! :) Hey, I just realized that I am able to admit another flaw! Wow, that gets easier and easier everytime! Now I just have to figure out how to change it! :)

Will write more tomorrow! Hope you all have a WONDERFUL Saturday!

Until then,
Beth

Spinning My Wheels, Running In Place!

Today is one of those days. You know, the kind where you just wish you could go back to bed, pull the covers up over your head and just hide? I'm not sure where it has come from this time but BAM this morning it hit me. Sadness, fear, putting on that "happy face" so that the world thinks everything is ok. It's not. My body hurts, I'm worried about that. My heart hurts, no, not from a medical standpoint, it is quite literally from a broken heart, I am worried about that.

I know, I know, this blog is supposed to be about my finding the "positives" in my life and my previous paragraph isn't very positive is it? However, what I can say is that at least now I can realize and acknowledge that I'm posing and call myself out on it! Does that count as anything?? :)

So, for today I will keep this short and hopefully by the time tomorrow rolls around I will have made it a better day. I am going to give myself the same break that I try to give others and remember that if I have nothing nice to say, I will say nothing at all, even to myself!

Until then,
Beth

My Greatest Gifts Continued!

Part 2

Seven months after Bri was born I was working as a server at a local Mexican restaurant. I was carrying a large tray of dishes into the kitchen and slipped on ice on the floor and landed on my tail bone. I had to make a trip to the occupational clinic for evaluation. "Is there a chance you might be pregnant?" they asked. "No, I just had a baby three months ago and although I am late, I have not been regular since I gave birth". "Well, we are required to do a pregnancy test if there is even a slight possibility." I think to myself, no problem I will just take the test, prove to them I'm right and then they will be able to xray this now throbbing tailbone of mine and find out what's going on. "Mrs. Forey can you please come to the desk?" I made my slow walk to the desk area. "Congratulations! You are pregnant! We will not be able to do any xrays." Shock, elation, shock, elation.

I am prepared this time. We now know that I have a "history" of going into labor without knowing I'm in labor! July 13, 1992 I have a "regular" scheduled visit with my ob/gyn. Repeat conversation... "are you in labor?" "no, my back hurts though", "well, you are dilated to a 4. If you do not have to come to the hospital during the night, be here at 5:30 am tomorrow morning and we will induce your labor because we cannot take a chance on you delivering this baby at home." We make it through the night and arrive at the hospital at 6:00 am. They weren't too happy that we were 30 minutes late however, this one can be blamed on Daddy! By the time they get me to my room, go through all of the questions and start that wonderful drip that brings on immediate contractions, it is now around 7:30 am. The doctor pops in to check in on us before he heads to the office for his busy day of work. We proceed to have a debate as to how long it will take me to be ready to deliver this baby boy. He tells me that in his opinion it will not be until late evening. I tell him, I guess we will see. This is around 8:00 am. Less than two hours later, Mr. You're Not Going To Deliver Until It's Convenient For Me is sticking his head in the door asking the nurse if he has time to change his clothes!!!

July 14, 1992, 9:50 am, Jeffrey Taylor Forey, 9 lbs. 3 oz. entered this world! He too zipped right past all those amazing newborn sized clothes he had waiting for him at home and went right on into 3 months! He was an amazing baby! No scares whatsoever! He would go to sleep at 7:30 pm and sleep until 7:00 am, he would take a nap everyday for a minimum of 2 hours. Rarely did he cry, rarely did he complain! Give him his "baby" and he was perfectly content!

Everything wasn't always a bed of roses. He was three when he was first diagnosed with ADHD. He was going through a lot and I believe it was the circumstances in his life and not ADHD. Much to my regret, we put him on Ritalin and literally right before my eyes I would begin to see his little body start to deminish. I finally took him off the Ritalin and am so thankful I made that decision. Was it easy? No. Was it the best thing for him? Absolutely! His appetite returned and he began to put weight back on and began to grow and develop like he should!

He was always a quiet child. Put him in front of a video game or a computer and he was in his element. It was only a matter of time before he had it mastered! The drawback was that because he was quiet he had difficulty making friends. Not because he didn't want to make friends but his quietness was misinterpreted. Without my knowledge he was quietly suffering while at school. One day he came home from school, where he was supposed to be safe, and told me that he had been "jumped" in the bathroom by 5 other boys. They had cornered him in one of the stalls and had used the door to hit him and had punched him. That was it for me! Needless to say, nothing like that incident happened again but the depression had already begun. I remember the dark ugly days where he would be so depressed that he felt like he didn't want to live. I remember the days when my 11 year old son would say that he didn't understand why he was alive. Horrible. That's the only way I can describe it to you. I was desperate and afraid. He already had his plan in place to end his life. I told him that I would sleep outside his door. He told me that was ok, he would wait until he caught me not looking and it would be over. I have always wondered how bad of a place a person has to be that suicide looks like their best option.

On April 17, 2004, Taylor found out that his life was worth living. He found out what his purpose in life was! It started out like any normal Saturday morning. Bri had a softball tournament in Columbus, IN and Taylor was going fishing with his Papaw. Jeff took Taylor to Grandma and Grandpa's house on his way into work because Grandpa was having a little bit of an issue with his diabetes that day and needed a little extra time to rest. Taylor and Grandma hung out together. I think they may have even played a few games. Eventually Grandpa felt strong enough to make the long trip to Morgantown and off went the "best buddies" for one of their routine fishing trips. They had to stop in Whiteland to get some bait and I'm pretty sure they stopped to get something to eat and off they went to their favorite fishing hole.

I was standing at Bri's game around 10:00 am that morning and leaned over and said to one of the mom's that I just had a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. She tried to reassure me and even said that it was probably just because I was used to having Taylor with me and that I was just probably missing him. Bri's other Grandparents came to watch her play that early afternoon. We were sitting there aftering just having a picnic lunch and waiting for the game to start when my cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number. I answered the phone and the conversation began, "they're ok, but there's been an accident". I don't know how I was able to carry on the rest of the conversation much less remember anything that was said, but I did. The jist of it was that Taylor and Grandpa had somehow had a boating accident and that Grandpa (my dad) was being lifelined by helicopter to Methodist Hospital.

God had put so many blessings in place that day! Taylor was OK! I knew he was in safe hands with my parents' friends so I knew that the place I needed to get to was the hospital. Thank God that my in-laws were there! I was in no condition to drive. My mother-in-law drove me and Bri in their vehicle and my father-in-law drove my vehicle. I got ahold of my sister Melanie who was working in Greenwood and my sister Jackie who lives in Georgetown, IN and my brother Rusty who lives in Shepherdsville, KY. I knew that it would take Rusty & Jackie a while to get there and I was over an hour away. Which meant that Melanie would be arriving at the hospital alone. I didn't want her to have to go through that just in case the news wasn't good when we got there. I called my husband, Jeff who was also working in Greenwood at the time. I was hysterical, he could barely understand what I was saying. He could however make out that Dad was being lifelined to Methodist and I needed him to get there to be with Mel until the rest of us could get there. No one could get ahold of Mom because she too had experienced a horrible feeling about that day and had sent her cell phone with Dad and Taylor just in case.

When we were finally able to see Dad we were all amazed that he was alert and talking to us. He had literally just drowned. He had also had a heart attack. Little did we know that we were in a place of false security. What a difference two days would make. Dad began to decline and by Tuesday early morning I received a call from the ICU doctor telling me that we must get to the hospital right away. They were going to try and wait until we got there to put him on the ventilator but they could not guarantee there would be enough time. Dad spend 4 1/2 weeks on a ventilator and in a coma but through much prayer God brought him through. I believe that had he not made it, my precious sons outcome would not have been the same.

As it turns out, my precious 11 year old son was the one who rescued his Grandpa, his best buddy! I will describe the whole story in a later post but to sum things up, Taylor went back into freezing water, 30 ft. deep, unable to see, he felt around until he found his Grandpa, brought him to the surface, swam with his arm threaded through his Papaw's overalls, using his elbow to keep his Papaw's head up and out of the water and swam with one arm back to the shore. What he had to see when he got him out was something that to this day he has not been able to fully describe to me. He had many nightmares. Papaw had already taken on a lot of water and was extremely swollen, his eyes were visionless and fixed. I can only imagine. Taylor took no time at all to reflect on what he saw because he knew that he had to do something to help his Papaw. He dropped to his knees, uttered a prayer for God to help him and began rescue breathing. Needless to say, had it not been for this little 83 pound boy and his faith in God, I would be telling a different story.

I didn't get to see him that fateful day until much later in the evening. I knew he was ok though. Not only because he was with our dear friends but also because he told me so! He said to me, "Mom, don't worry about me. Besides, I have to go, I am doing interviews"! We were sitting in the waiting room at Methodist Hospital when the news broke through and there stood my little Angel in a white t-shirt and pajama bottoms that were much too big (his clothes were being washed and dried and he had "borrowed" clothes from his other buddy, Emory!) but I didn't see the oversized clothing, I saw an Angel! Dad was stable at that moment, I needed to get to my boy, feel him in my arms to know in my soul that he was ok!

I am so thankful for the recognition Taylor received for what he did! Those people who nominated him into the American Red Cross Hall of Fame may never know how much they touched and changed this young mans life. I do though. No more was there ever talk of ending his life. No more was there ever a question as to why God put him here on this earth! He knew. He now has a bond with his Papaw that cannot even be described. I am thankful for that!

Ok, I have journaled way too much for one day! I promise that I will tell you the whole story one day but for today I must sign off! More to come tomorrow!

Until then,
Beth

My Greatest Gifts!

Good morning! Another day, another "positive" outlook into the life and times of Beth Forey! I am so thankful I discovered this wonderful world of "blogging" so that I can journal my thoughts/feelings/progress and keep myself honest about myself!

Ok, so as promised yesterday, today I am reflecting on my two greatest accomplishments, blessings! Namely, my most beautiful daughter, Bri and my most handsome son, Taylor!

Part 1

Bri was born on February 20, 1991. I was so excited to meet her! I remember taking our birthing classes and the instructor telling all of us soon to be parents that first time mother's can sometimes deliver up to two weeks early. Well, of course, I convinced myself that I was going to be one of those mothers. Not! Bri decided that she was not ready to come out on her due date and as a matter of fact, she was going to make me wait an extra week because she was "comfortable" in that little world I provided her inside my tummy! I went for an ultrasound on February 19 so they could determine when I might possibly have this child and what she would weigh. They determined that she was in "position" for delivery and estimated her weight to be around 7 lbs. Later on in the day I started having pain in my back but nothing that felt like the contractions they described to me in my birthing class and therefore I just went on with my daily routine. On February 20 I went to my scheduled ob/gyn appointment. I picked up my mom on the way and had thrown my suitcase in the back just in case. Mom waited in the waiting room while I went back for the doctor to check any progress. He proceeded to ask me if I was having contractions to which my response was no, I just have a back ache. He gently patted my leg and said "honey, you have to go to the hospital immediately. You are dilated to a 6". What was my response you might ask? "I want my mom!" and "I don't want to do this now. I've changed my mind!"

Well, off to the hospital we went and 6 hours later I got to finally meet this BEAUTIFUL little Angel! Wait, let me back up for just a minute. Remember earlier I told you that they estimated her weight to be approx 7 lbs??? Well, the doctor almost dropped her when she was born because he was in absolute shock! Much to the surprise of everyone, she was HUGE! The doctor and nurses began taking "bets" on how much she weighed! The verdict? 9 lbs. 12 oz!!!!! She skipped right past all of those newborn clothes that were waiting in her beautiful nursery and went straight to 3 months!

Everything was going along great until she was about 4 weeks old. A bunch of my family had gone to Dyer, IN for my Aunt's birthday with the intention of returning the same night. Yeah, that means no overnight clothes, no toiletries, and no spare change of clothes! I had fed Bri and passed her along to my Mom while I went to put her formula and bottle back into her diaper bag. It only took a few minutes. I could hear a commotion and someone say, "she's not breathing". You know, as a mother we seem to have this built in radar that tells us something is not right with our child. It was my baby they were referring to "not breathing". I watched in horror as my cousin began to perform cpr. 911 was called and when they paramedics arrived they were able to use special equipment that they put down her little throat to clear out her airway. She had projectile vomited and had aspirated into her lungs.

Off I went with my precious little one in my arms in the back of this big scary ambulance. I had been in an ambulance before but never before did it look as scary as it did that night! Bri and I would later learn that she was going to be admitted and that this starving baby who couldn't understand why her mommy wouldn't feed her would have to go the entire night into late the next morning without even a drop of food! Needless to say, that was an EXTREMELY long night! That was a Friday night. We were discharged on Sunday to come home and follow up with her pediatrician. Thankfully her dad and Grandpa (my dad) drove up late Saturday morning and brought along some comfortable clothes for mommy! The initial diagnosis was that she was allergic to her formula and would have to be switched to soy milk. It had only begun!

We had, I believe, a total of three more of these horrifying experiences of her vomiting, aspirating and not breathing. She was in Riley Children's Hospital all three of these times. It was finally determined that she had reflux/pyloric stenosis and was sent home on an apnea monitor with the understanding that if it happened again we would have no further option but to have surgery to correct the issues. Her little body must have understood the severity of the surgery because it NEVER happened again!

Flash forward now to 17 years later! She is an amazing, beautiful, loving gift to me. I am so proud of how she handles herself, how she presents herself to the world and how she perseveres even though she has been "knocked down" so many times. She has an amazing ability to love and forgive that is pure and so rare in the world we live in today! She has played softball since she was 4 1/2 and has never lost her passion and love of the game even though she had HUGE obstacles to overcome and has had to fight every step of the way! She is an excellent student and much to Mom's despair, will be heading off to college in a little under a year and a half!

Not that I would ever want to hold her back. No way! It's just that I don't know what I am going to do when she doesn't need mom to drive her here and there. She doesn't need mom to figure things out. She doesn't need mom...... but wait, what am I saying? Because even as an almost 40 years young woman, I still need my Momma! She still makes everything right!

I just want you to know my sweet Angel Face, I will always love you. I will always be here for you. You will ALWAYS and FOREVER be my Angel Face! I will ALWAYS love you INFINITY!

Love, Mom

I Know Where Tomorrow Will Lead Me!

Just wanted to update before I am off for the busy day ahead! I know what my topic for tomorrow will be! Tomorrow I will fill you in on what I consider to be the GREATEST accomplishments of my life! My absolutely beautiful daughter, Bri and my most handsome son, Taylor! I could just keep typing right now because my heart is overflowing with things to tell you about them but I must hold myself in check and save everything for tomorrow! It promises to be my most special post yet!

Until then,
Beth

Thoughts Running Through My Head!

Good morning! Actually it is very early morning! 2:45 am and my eyes are open wide! Whenever this happens I always wonder if it is a gentle whisper from God telling me I need to pray. Being that I am not sure what exactly has caused me to wake up, I can only whisper a prayer for protection for those I love and care about!

Ok, so yesterday I told you all that I was working on finding the positives in my life. I realized that I am a VERY proud sister and now today I am going to focus on the fact that I still have both of my beautiful, loving parents and I am SO blessed to have them! In this day and age it is so rare that children grow through childhood and into adulthood with both of their parents still together. I am so blessed that mine never gave up. Giving up was never an option for them. What a great example not only for their children but for the grandchildren as well!

Life was not always easy for them but they learned to always be content. I learned so much from them. Daddy has pastored from as far back as I can remember and Mom was right by his side then and still today! They taught me about God's love and forgiveness, they taught me how to love others and how to be compassionate. I remember growing up the local police department knew that if they had a needy person they could refer them to the Watson's because they knew they would get a warm meal and Mom and Dad would find a warm place for them to sleep.

As a teen, I was the youngest person in our church and my Mom was the next one closest to my age! Most teens today would whine and complain about not having anyone to "hang out" with but you know, it didn't bother me. I learned how to love and respect older people and I learned that they have so much knowledge to share! This is where I adopted my Grandma & Grandpa Young. I have many fond memories of them. Daddy worked nights and it would sometimes get lonely for Mom, Mel and me and we would call Grandma & Grandpa Young to come and keep us company. Cheesepuffs & pickles! What a combination! I miss them!

I am so thankful that my parents are more than just my parents, they are truly my best friends! There is no better definition of "best friend" than Mom & Dad!

Mom & Dad, I want to thank you. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for all of the sacrifices and sleepless nights you have endured for me. Thank you for loving my children as your own. Thank you for teaching me values, beliefs and for supporting me even when.... Thank you for teaching me that in order to be forgiven, I must forgive. There are so many other reasons for me to be thankful for both of you and it would take me forever so I will just end this by saying thank you for loving me, thank you for being You! I love you both, infinity! You may not have a lot of material things here on earth but you have stored up many riches in Heaven!

I will close for now. What reflection will tomorrow bring? I will wait and see where my heart leads me!

Until then,
Beth

I Am A Proud Sister!

Good morning! As my blog title describes, this is my year of change! Part of change is looking into myself and changing the way I think and the way I feel about myself. I believe an even bigger part of change is being totally and completely honest with ourselves. I have a tendency to be self destructive with my life. I tend to have a very negative dialogue with myself. I'm not pretty enough, I'm too fat, I'm not successful and the list goes on and on. There has been a lot of talk in the media and television world of late that our inner dialogue is what makes us or breaks us. I have struggled within myself about how to adapt the power of positive thinking into my religious beliefs. How can I put something out into the universe when everything I believe in teaches me that I must put my faith & trust in God? After much thought, prayer and yes, doubt, I have come to the acknowledgement that God is the universe. He created everything! Everything belongs to Him already and His word says that He wants to give us the desires of our hearts! He knows my heart and I believe He is bringing me to a place where I am everything I am supposed to be!

Ok, I am not going to lie and pretend that I am 100% cured and on the road to "recovery"! Oh, no, I didn't develop this self destructive thought pattern overnight and I will not be miraculously "cured" overnight!

What I am realizing is that I am having difficulty finding things about myself that I truly "believe" and so I have decided to give myself a "break" and start with baby steps. Hence, today's post title, "I Am A Proud Sister". I know for 100% sure that I am a proud sister!

Let me begin with my "big" sister! Her name is Jackie and she is the firstborn in this Watson crew! She has been married to her husband, Kenny for 35 years and they have two beautiful daughters and 7 grandchildren. She is a compassionate, caring, loving & strong woman! For many years she has been striving to educate us on healthier living. She has met with much "opposition" and dragging of the feet along the way however, she has NEVER given up! She is an AMAZING chef/cook and has this amazing ability to create her own masterpiece recipes! I am so proud of her because I know that one of her passions has been to help others obtain a healtheir lifestyle and she has persevered through it all and now has her very own food blog! I keep telling her that one day she will have her very own "cooking" show where she can share her vast wealth of knowledge with the world! Of course, I cannot let this post go by without posting her blog spot: http://foodblog.jkvetter.com! Check it out! I promise you will not be disappointed!

Now I will move along to my brother, Rusty. Rusty has been married to my sister-in-law, Penny for 25 years! We just threw them a huge "surprise" celebration in February! They have two beautiful children, Casey & Whitney and will be adding a new "daughter" to their family, Kendra on June 21st when she makes an honest man out of my Casey! :) I must also add that my dear Whitney has made it into her clinicals which we all know is tough to do on the first try and I am SO proud of her!

Rusty & Penny have pastored their church in Shepherdsville, KY together for many years. I have watched in awe as they have grown and expanded their ministry into an amazing community outreach! Rusty had always had an amazing musical talent and I was never more proud of him that when he told us that he and a group of men from his church (including my nephew, Casey!) would be forming their own christian rock band, Mesynger! They have grown beyond what I think they even believed they could do! They write almost all of their own music & lyrics and each one tells an amazing story of love, faith & hope! They recently played in a "competition" and came in 2nd place! They were asked to go to the "finals" in Tennessee! I don't know all the details but I know that I am so proud of what they have accomplished! You can check them out at www.mesynger.com.

I have another precious sister, Melanie. She has been married for 26 years and after a long battle with infertility was able to overcome the odds and now has one daughter, almost 18 and two sons, one 16 and one 15. She is an amazing, compasionate person and is way more beautiful and stronger than she gives herself credit for! I love you, Mel, I miss you!

Ok, the tears are flowing so I must sign off for now! Stay tuned for tomorrow as I discover another positive thing about myself. I believe it will be the fact that I am a truly blessed daughter!

Until then,
Beth

Welcome To My Life!

Ok, so I am BRAND NEW to this type of thing so bear with me as I "get my feet wet"! I have been married for 18 years to my husband, Jeff and I have two beautiful children, Bri (17) and Taylor (15). We've had our ups and downs but somehow we have made it and for that I am so thankful!

This is a BIG year for me! I turn the BIG 4-0!! Turning 30 was very hard on me. I remember that day so clearly. Anytime anyone would call me to wish me a happy birthday, I would immediately collapse into tears! I am still not quite sure why that year was so difficult for me. At first, my initial thoughts of turning 40 were thoughts of dread and trepidition however, I have now come to realize that I can choose to make this either a year of doom and gloom OR I can CHOOSE to make this my BEST YEAR EVER! I choose option #2!!!!

I haven't quite developed a "complete" game plan as to how I am going to accomplish the year of "overhaul" for my life but I have a will and a determination that I am moving forward, no looking back! There are many things that I would love to change about the past but that's just it, it's the past and I can't go back and get a "redo" so I am choosing to move forward into the present & preparing a plan for an AMAZING future! I read something in an email once that said "life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance" (author unknown). Well, I say LET'S DANCE!!

Stay tuned as I will be updating on a regular basis about the life and times of this soon to be 40 years young, mother of two, on a mission to a better life!

Beth